Meet Pamela Gossiaux

Speaker and author of the book Why Is There a Lemon In My Fruit Salad? – How To Stay Sweet When Life Turns Sour, Pam Gossiaux gives us insight into how fulfilling a life with horses can be.

What was your childhood experience with horses?  Were you a horse-crazy kid?  What about your parents – did they recognize this interest?

                One of my earliest memories includes a horse.  My parents used to read to me a lot, cuddling me in the rocking chair and reading for hours, but the book that stands out in my mind the most is “The Horse Who Couldn’t Neigh”  It was just a short book, appropriate for preschool age, but I remember it above all the others.  There was also my rocking horse, which I spent hours and hours riding across the kitchen floor.

                I must have been born with a natural love for horses.  We lived in the city, a suburb of Detroit, and my parents weren’t horse people. Other than the occasional trips to K-Mart to ride the ponies that the carnies would bring into the parking lot once or twice a year, I didn’t have any early exposure to real horses, but I loved them deeply.

                When I was five, the family started taking Sunday drives out into the country.  My grandpa promised me that some day he would buy a farm and get me a pony.  It took four more years, but I clung to that dream and at the age of nine, he brought home Trixie to live at his farm.  I spent countless hours with that old pony, drinking in her scent, brushing her until she shown, laying on her back and reading books during lazy summer afternoons. 

 

                I had read every horse book available and was crazy about the story of Misty of Chincoteague.  My parents took me to that small island on vacation that summer, where the story of Misty and Pony Penning Day became real before my eyes.  I was head over heels in love with horses and that just propelled me over the edge.  My parents respected my passion  - or maybe they just knew that I had no choice, that horses had chosen me - and enrolled me in riding lessons.  When Trixie got sick and we lost her, they let me put my allowance savings towards a Palomino Pinto horse. Billy was a 4-H show horse, and I enrolled in 4-H and began my showing career.      

               Eventually, my parents bought 10 acres and built a barn so Billy could come home to live with us.  Meanwhile, I had read every Black Stallion book in the series and my new dream was to own a black Arabian.  Down the street from us was an Arabian horse farm and I went down there one day and asked if I could have a job cleaning stalls.  They not only hired me, but let me play with the foals!  I was in horse heaven!  I walked in a dream those days, surrounded by my own horse, about 60 of their horses, the tons of models I collected, the posters in my room, my books…. I guess you could say I was almost obsessed.  I played with Barbie dolls as a girl but only so I’d have someone to run the farm of model horses.  I gave up Homecoming at school one year to attend a horse show.  Instead of spending my day getting ready for my prom, I went to a model horse show, then came home, dressed quickly and went out. I followed horse racing, horse showing - anything that involved horses. Over the years the owners of the Arabian horse farm taught me to ride professionally, and let me begin to show their horses.  I learned Western, Hunt, Saddle Seat and dressage.

 

As an adult, how did horses fit into your life as you were deciding on your writing career and throughout your education?  

My life decisions have evolved around my horses.  I guess you could say instead of trying to fit horses into my life, I have tried to fit my life around horses. When I went to college I chose to live at home and commute so I could be near my mare.  By then Billy was gone, but during college I sold off my other horse, Shazahn, who I had raised from a baby, and only kept Fanci Free.  I just didn’t have the time to take care of both horses then.  I started up a business where I traveled to farms and trained horses for others and gave riding lessons.  That’s how I paid my way through college.  I also had a brief stint as a horse show judge, but I decided I’d rather be ON the horse in the show ring, than judging the class!

What was your family structure like at the time when you were bringing the horses into your adult life?  Married?  Kids?

I have always had horses.  There’s a standing joke in my family that when I got married my dad told me he would keep my mare for one year, and then I had to move her. I guess my parents still support my horse passion because I’ve been married 19 years and my parents still have my mare!  I only live five minutes away so I get over to see her often, but due to many circumstances we haven’t been able to move to a farm of our own yet.  My dad also planted a tree in front of the barn door so I couldn’t bring in any more horses.  But there have been a few that have come and gone.  My husband just accepted a horse-crazy woman as part of the marriage contract!  As far as kids, I heard it said that a new mother disappears for about two years, and I’ve found that to be true.  When my sons were very small, there wasn’t much time for horses.  I’d go over and pet my mare, brush her, and that would be about it.  But as they’ve grown older they love to spend time with her and ride her.  I dug out my old horse models and stable (which I had kept!) and we play with those at home.  I read horse books to them.  Now, my oldest son, age 9, is dreaming of a pony of his own some day.

You mentioned one special horse that is still in your life.  Can you tell us about her?

Fanci Free is a soul mate.  There’s an incredible bond that mothers have with children, and there’s my wonderful bond with my husband, but through all of that I’ve found that my heart is big enough to still fit in horses.  I bought Fanci she was just a baby.   I was 12 at the time and working at the Arabian horse farm, and she was one of their fillies.  She cost me $1500 and it took me over a year to pay for her, but I paid for every penny myself.  She wasn’t a black Arabian as I had dreamed of, but she was and still is my beautiful, white Arabian mare.  I trained her myself, showed her, tried unsuccessfully to breed her, and have had her by my side for 29 years. She was with me through middle school and turbulent teenage years. She has been there through my college career, marriage, birth of my sons, and through my own serious illnesses.  She’s a constant in my life.  She’s gentle and sweet and we know each other.  I can sit on her and just think “canter’ and she prepares to go into that gait.  Sometimes, when she lies down, I curl up with her in her stall and she sleeps with her head on my lap.  I know where all of her itchy spots are, and she knows my voice and my touch.  We trust each other unconditionally.  When I put my arms around her and breathe in her scent, it’s like coming home.  No matter how bad of a day I’ve had, or how I am feeling, when my face is buried in her neck it transports me to a safe place, and for that moment, everything is okay.

 

 

What do you think it is about horses in general that captures your heart?

 It’s definitely beyond the physical.  It’s more of a spiritual connection.  When I am around horses I can “feel” them, and somehow, in a way that even I don’t even understand, they make me feel complete. It’s this deep inner peace and joy. They are beautiful, they are powerful and yet they invite us into their lives so honestly and completely.  It sounds crazy but I think if I didn’t have horses in my life a part of me would die.

What have been some of your biggest challenges in your life, and how have horses helped you through them?

My adult life has seen some tough challenges, so much that I wrote an entire book about coping! I have had some pretty serious health problems, but when you are forced to go outside and muck stalls or empty water buckets, you’ve just gotta do it.  I think the responsibility of horses doesn’t allow you to wallow in self-pity.  There was a time, though, when I was physically unable to care for my horse, and my parents stepped in and did all the work.  Sometimes I would just take a chair down to the pasture and sit with my mare. Just her presence helped me through. My husband still lifts hay bales when I can’t.  I have had a lot of support from family, and without that I wouldn’t have been able to keep my horse. 

But also, I think having such a strong passion for something gives me a focus and something joyful to think about during the rough times. Horses truly get my heart pumping and give me that “butterflies in my stomach” feeling, like being in love.  They make me happy.

My other biggest challenge is that my husband and youngest son are both very allergic to horses.  My husband didn’t develop his horse allergies until a few years after we were married.  He is so bad that I have to change clothes and wash up after petting my horse or I can’t even be around him.  It has been tough and taken the spontaneity out of my horse life.  I always have to go prepared with a change of clothes and a way to wash my hands!  But still, he supports my love of horses and my need to be close to them. A gal can’t ask for more than that!

 

What have been some of your biggest joys?

Raising a few foals to adulthood.  Connecting with and training horses others couldn’t.  Just to see the horse succeed and trust a human again is a big joy.  Riding with wild abandon on my mare around the pasture at a gallop with neither saddle nor bridle…just steering with my touch.  My kids.  Always my kids.  I love everything about them - their smell, their touch, their laughter.  One of my greatest joys has been introducing them to horses. I learned to ride - I mean really ride well - on my mare Fanci and now my oldest son is learning to ride on her.  I’m sharing a trusted friend with my son and I finally have someone who is just as crazy about her as I am!

 

What is your goal/mission with your writing career?

My book, Why Is There a Lemon In My Fruit Salad, is about facing the tough times in life and getting through them.  Because I’ve been through a lot, I’ve put my story down on paper.  I learned to find joy when my circumstances in life weren’t happy.  I learned to find inner peace when my life was in chaos.  I learned that love is often a choice, not just a feeling.  I started out with a degree in creative writing, wanting to pen fiction, but circumstances in my life have taken me in other directions.  I have been a journalist for 15 years sharing people’s lives through feature stories, and more recently an author, with a primary purpose of reaching out to people.  My writing career has also turned me into a motivational/inspirational speaker.   Horses feature prominently in my writing, but my books are also Christian spirituality in content.

 

I have been on book tours, at speaking engagements, on the radio - and it seems that whereever I go or whatever audience I am talking to, there are people who can relate to the horse stories I share in my book.  Animals, it seems, and horses in particular, touch a special part deep inside a person.  They are something that we can all connect to and immediately relate with.  How many times, when you first meet a person and realize they love horses, do you suddenly feel a connection?

What is some advice for women who love horses?

Do whatever you have to do to feed that dream.  You can be a working woman, or mother, or wife or caretaker and still make room for horses in your life.  Even if you can’t own a horse there are so many ways to come into contact with them through volunteer work or riding lessons or more.  Surround yourself with the essence of everything horsy.  For me, even just walking into a tack store or leafing through a horse magazine gives me a horsy high.  If horses are part of what feeds your spirit, grab onto them with both hands and don’t let go.

To learn more about Pam and her books, visit:  www.pamelagossiaux.com